experiment: sequins

“seriously, sequins? haha who wears sequins anymore?”
“maybe i’ll just try it on for fun. as a joke, yeah. . . no harm in that surely, heh heh”
“wait, that one is better, check out that black to silver gradient!”
“maybe I can wear sequins."
"now that i think of it, even jcrew has sequiny tops."
“okay maybe just for the holidays. you’re allowed to sparkle on new years, yeah?”
“i’ll just um, sneak it in between these two shirts and try it on.”
“hmmm. emmmm. hmm. hahahaha.”

what i have learned:
no.

experiment: hospitality

in the past, i've felt a disastrous hostess. i don't do well at planning things ahead of time and manage what time i do have poorly. usually i'm too busy dancing or walking in on people making out to make the rounds to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves. and i also don't know how good i am at anticipating needs. My old manager used to tell me, "it isn't enough to just bring what people ask you, you have to bring them what they don't even realize they need." so what- give people the "don't stop me now" before they realize they have a freddie mercury itch that needs to be scratched? well i didn't, lindsey did. ah me. but in spite of it all, including a slight baking gaffe, Burning Down the House(warming) Party was on most accounts a thunderous success! thank you all for being there, loving talking heads, and bringing us glasses with cartoon udders!

it would be nice if everyone could be in the same room at once.

spencer, probably pitching a noxema :30 to the writer/director of the Vietnomedy

holy halle berry, look at all this symmetry, will you! nick and rgs are starting to look like the same person to me in different color schemes. mirror images, who like to relate adventures to brunette couples at the SAME TIME.

preparing for his danceoff, dave tipples.

he can probably explain this better than i can.

danciest female: lindsey
danciest male: yancy/ manatee
most lyrically impressive: rachel. i don't know her last name but she knew evvery word to every jay z song ever invented.

what i have learned:
1) turns out i'm not much of a hostess because i don't really care about most things. as long as we've got good people, good snacks, and a little bit of alcohol in lindsey, everyone will have an entertaining time. [note: i am not posting the video of the futuresexx/lovesounds danceoff because i have been threatened.]

2) hickory pistachios will ruin pistachio apricot oatmeal cookies. screw you, fairway.

3) where are corinne and casey when you need them?

experiment: beating gondry to the punch

what i have learned:
today for halloween, spencer and i reenacted a few movies and transferred them to VHS and mos def showed up and we became rich and ferociously famous. ok OKAY, ok, i'm a bit of a hyperbolist. but doesn't spencer look just like danny lloyd? halloween is boss.

experiment: alternative recordkeeping

okay, amazon let’s talk. i really am impressed at how genuinely interested you are in “recommending” various media to me, really. and usually you’re pretty right on, i’ll give you that. and i guess i’m “appreciative” of your desire to keep me on top of my musical and literary games. but holy cow, i’m starting to feel like maybe i’ve let you in on too much.

i mean, you know things i’ve never told anyone. for instance, you’re one of the few who know about blue crush, and i think the only who knows about ladies in lavender (so good to have that monkey off my back). and your knowledge of me is starting to creep me out. you know more about me than i do.

take for instance, the buzzcloud feature i just discovered today while ordering for book club

it’s 60% creepy and 40% cool that this exists, documenting my purchases from amazon in the past, i don’t know, 5 years? "Creepy" because this non-person, gigantic fortune 500 company has (very valuable actually) personal information that rivals that of friends and family.“Cool” because i now have a sort of visual record of much of what i was interested in during college. it’s much easier than actually documenting all of my tastes by hand. instead i’ve just printed this out and will glue it in my journal. lazy. also, now when people ask me what i'm into musically (which by the way makes me really nervous for whatever reason), i can now just hand them this print out rather than rambling off album titles or mumbling, "i dont know , everything."

would you date someone based on their buzzcloud? i think, sadly, there would’ve been a point when i would have. and what do you think of me now that you know i enjoyed both a terribly penned surfing movie AND a movie for the bluehairs (what, the music was amazing). am i even more confusing to you? am i, jared cardon? am i? i live to bring complexity to your life. complexity and HOTNESS!!!!


what i’ve learned:
i think i need some better experiments. i know you’re all feeling anticipatory about that. i will probably not let you down.

experiment: nyc subletting

passive aggressive notes aside, my roommates have been cool. recently, they've gone to pot. on sunday mornings, tuesday mornings and sometimes friday afternoons.

the best part is that while I've quarantined myself in my room to avoid the smell i told myself i was done smelling post-nathan, i suddenly hear a few familiar intonations coming from the living room while they toke. it occurs to me that they are playing marley. MARLEY! so so great. and these girls went to wellesley for crying out loud.

what i have learned:
1) cliches. love em.
2) i got skunk'd.