Oh, What a Lovely Day

There were so many great movies in 2015, but the one I'll be rooting for tonight is Mad Max: Fury Road.  Witness me!

In an era where movies feel more and more like television, and television feels more cinematic than the movies, Mad Max: Fury Road is a movie that reminds us why we go to the theatre in the first place. George Miller's gritty steampunk song of junk metal and patriarchy and capitalism was the most exciting and fun I've had at the movies all year, not to mention a visionary piece of filmmaking. 

I don't think I took a single breath for the first 30 minutes of the film. Oh for sure, it's spectacle at its most definitive, but it's not spectacle alone. There's tough meat here, plenty of it, and it's fun to chew. 

I've heard it described as "an A-plus B-movie." This being the case, the fact that it found its way on the Best Picture noms list is fairly surprising - the Academy hasn't really been okay with certain genres being considered "art." It seems this is reflective of audience tastes as well - we're comfortable with thrillers, period dramas, historical dramas, political dramas, social dramas, etc. being "prestige" pics, but action movies? Well, action has been relegated to a lesser genre, for reasons that I wish were inexplicable, but they have names (which are Superhero flicks and anything to do with a "transporter.") 

But I like what Fury Road is doing for its genre. I like to see the Academy swallowing its snobbery a bit to admit action can be art, too. (And did we ever forget about Diehard? which is a mighty fine action film, emphasis on film.)

Fury Road is a masterclass in visual storytelling, and in creating a new universe as epic as the Star Wars universe. I said it. 

But it's not going to win tonight. It will be beat by something classier (The Revenant, beautiful, a bit lifeless) or more important (Spotlight, actually pretty wonderful). 

But I'm encouraged to see a turn in this direction. It's a bold, important reinvention of its genre. 

Who Said It - Trump or Toddler?

Well, another week has come and gone and my dream of Donald Trump physically inflating mid-debate to match the size of his uuuuuge ego has gone unfulfilled. At this point things have become so cuckoo that I feel like the version of political theatre I’m watching has morphed into community theatre absurdism. The things this guy says, eh? What a jokey-pants.

The soundbites coming out of this guy remind me of another sometimes-tyrant who says similarly nonsensical, incendiary things—my three-year old toddler. Who’s up for a short game of

WHO SAID IT: TRUMP OR TODDLER?

1. “Who’s that weirdo?”

You probably guessed Trump, but no. This particular brand of intolerance comes from my three-year old son in reference to a man riding a unicycle on BYU Campus.

TODDLER.

2. "Sorry losers and haters, but my IQ is one of the highest — and you all know it!”

TRUMP. Or maybe it was Kayne. Or maybe Tracy Jordan.

3. “I am the smartest one in the house.”

TODDLER.

He is, probably, because he doesn’t spend energy watching the republican debates.  

4. “I am the boss of everything.”

HINT: The person who said this did so after an authority figure would not allow him to eat pancakes until he agreed to put pants on. That doesn’t clear it up for you enough, does it. Just take a guess. Go ahead! Your odds are 50/50 - just as good as Trump becoming president!

TODDLER.

5. “This place smells like cow poop.”

Okay, if you said Trump I’d like to give you half a point because everywhere he walks probably does smell like fecal matter because he is in fact the one occupying the space. (It was actually my toddler talking about the Museum of Natural Curiosity in Lehi, Utah.)

TODDLER.

6. "While Bette Middler is an extremely unattractive woman, I refuse to say that because I always insist on being politically correct."

Did you guess Trump? Congratulations. I will show my toddler Beaches in a few years and play close attention to his reaction during her scenes. He does think the girl squirrel in Sword in the Stone is cute, so we may circle back to this question and redact or edit it in a couple years time.

TRUMP.

7. “She just gave me a tiny wink!”

Toddler, referring to his newborn cousin. The adjective should’ve tipped you off. Trump would probably say the wink was huge, and that he can tell a lot about a woman buy the size of her, um, eyelashes.

TODDLER.

8. “Tiny children are not horses.”

TRUMP. Demonstrably true. My 40-pound toddler cannot be ridden like a pony, unfortunately for me.

9. “Nobody builds better walls than me.”

Trick question! Both said it! Toddler referring to his lego fort and Trump referring to his plans for the Mexican border.

BOTH

10: “Sorry. I think I have a little poo in my underwear.”

BOTH. Just kidding. I don't think Trump apologizes when he does that.

He was a long man

The longest road he ever ran down was a frontage road near the Topeka turnpike. He ran from 4:00 till 8:30pm, finally stopping to inspect an injured bird that appeared to have lost half its reddish feathers in the net of something like a 4 X 4. Summer dusk all but swallowed the bird in its gasping, but he managed to spot it anyway, swept to the shoulder. He saw the wound and tended to it, sweat as thick as gelatin dripping from his brow into its blood feathers. He looked around the pavement and prairie grasses for something, for what he knew not,  but a quick scan only found piles of feed and manure in the distance, and a few crusted tin cans. Each shaking from exhaustion, they square-eyed the other, and each knew the other knew it was a hopeless venture. The man spooned the bird into a nearby blemish of soil and sat next to him while the sun sank slow. He picked up his legs and ran back toward town in half of the time it took him on the way in.

My Yuppie Catalogs Try to One-Up Each Other

FURNITURE

Mid-Century Newark Table 
This dining table is made of distressed hickory and features a tobacco-finished trestle base. 

Antique Driftwood Drafting Table
Artisan-crafted shabby chic drafting table. Constructed of driftwood collected by survivors of domestic abuse from the Women’s Crisis Center Shelter in Keystone, Florida.
 
Golgotha Olive Wood Table 
Reclaimed 2,000-year-old Holy Land Olive Wood table. Some of these cross beams may have supported the crucified body of Jesus Christ. Brass nail motif.

OUTERWEAR

St. Petersburg Pea Coat 
100% vegan, sailor-inspired pea coat will keep you warm during the coldest winter doldrums. PETA approved faux-fur lining.
 
Royal Rambler A-Line 
This 1940s style A-Line Swing coat is composed of organic wool from a 150-year old family-run mill in Pienza, Italy. The mill was featured in Terrence Malick’s “The Roaring Thumbs.”
 
Old Glory Trench 
Reclaimed 100% lambswool taken from the coat of a decaying Confederate Soldier at the Battle of Antietam. Available in Confederate Blue with gray and gold piping. An Anthropologie Exclusive.