experimental art(s) 2007

Consumer Reports: Faves and Raves and Fuzzy pants guh-lore

The danger in these lists is A) that my long term (meaning a year) memory eludes me, so that instead being of a fully true annual representation of what moved me and what I moved, I fear it becomes relegated to whatever I saw and did in Q4. And B) you sound like an accidental braggart. Or in some cases a very obviously intentional braggart. Guess which kind I am! You got it, totally intentional! Maybe as you read this entry I typed using my goldplated iPhone with a Zac Posen designed skin while listening to that Panda Bear covering Husker Du covering the Wiggles Japanese import on my portable walkman/turntable/vhs/cash register COMBO (charcoal grey) I bought off a rockabilly bum outside St. Marks Books while eating falafel with vegan mayonnaise hanging out with the Oldsen twins and Jemaine and Bret and Barack, you can call me on my totally unironically ironic pretense. Or else I’ll just quit whistling dixie and tell you what I liked in 2007.

BOOK

FIRST: Under the Net
RUNNER UP: The Power and the Glory, Flying Leap, Lunch Poems, Walking on Water, The Rise of the Creative Class, Eve and the Choice Made in Eden
LET DOWNS: The Writing Life, The Alchemist, Actual Air


LIVE SHOW

“I’m getting too old for this.” – Christina, at the Klaxons

FIRST: The Books - Bowery Ballroom (LDS prophet montage anyone?)
RUNNERS UP: Will Scheff -Sound FX, Sam Prekop - Sound FX, NY Phil -Shostakovich and Sibelius
LET DOWNS: Bonde do Role and Klaxons -Studio B, Kings of Leon -Apple Soho

ALBUM

FIRST: Kate Bush- Hounds of Love
RUNNERS UP: Efterklang-One Sided LP, Phosphorescent- Pride, Julie Doiron/Okkervil same name, Final Fantasy- He Poos Clouds, Okkervil River—Stage Names, Empress-The Sounds They Made, Jealous Girlfriends, Andrew Bird- Armchair Apocrypha
LET DOWN: how is it that I still don’t have in rainbows yet. Tsk on me.


FILM

“It got 93 percent on rotten tomatoes, I swear!” – Jared, post “Starting Out in the Evening,” a mawkish and poorly acted affair – oh wait--you have something to say, Naked Frank Langella? Guys, Naked Frank Langella has something to say! You don’t know how you got roped into this? You don’t know how you agreed to play opposite that one girl from Can’t Hardly Wait, what was her name- Denise Fleming? Well, you and me both Frank.

FIRST: The Lives of Others
RUNNER UP: 2 Days in Paris, No Country for Old Men, Away From Her, Live in Maid, Into the Wild, Fitzcarraldo
LET DOWNS: Autism! The Musical, 12:08 East of Bucharest, I’m Not There, Darjeeling Limited (had more of a response to the 12 minutes of Hotel Chevalier than to all of Darjeeling), Lars and Real Girl, Year of the Dog, Starting Out in the Evening,
WORST FILM OF 2007 AND PROBABLY OF ALL TIME: Everybody Wants to be Italian
BEST TITLE: I Want Someone to Eat Cheese With


THEATRE

BEST: Lion is King
RUNNERS UP: my dad falling asleep in Lion King, Frost/Nixon, Moonlight for the Misbegotten
LET DOWNS: Company, Mayhem Poets at Bowery Poetry Club


YOUTUBE VIDEO
YES, IT GETS ITS OWN CATEGORY

FIRST:

RUNNERS UP:



LET DOWN:





THINGS TO PUT IN MY MOUTH

FIRST: Cheese! Glorious Cheese! Hot sausage and mustard!
RUNNERS UP: old fashioned w roasted peppers (Adrienne’s Pizzabar), gingerbread french toast (Kitchenette Uptown), alison’s pumpkin cheesecake (my place), pad kee mao (Chili Thai), west side story (Gandolfos Provo), biscuity biscuits (Rack n Soul), mushroom burger (Pop Burger)
LET DOWNS: the German food in New York City. Where is the good German food! And most Manhattan cupcakes! OVER-RATED.


THINGS TO PUT ON MY MOUTH

FIRST: natural ice
RUNNERS UP: burts bees. I guess.
LET DOWN: why does no one sell natural ice anymore!!! Why does my boyfriend throw my LAST REMAINING TUBE out the window!!


COLOR

FIRST: grey. with an e. not with an a.
RUNNERS UP: bone, purple, neon green, prism
LET DOWN: red


THINGS I WAS GOOD AT

FIRST: avoiding decision making
RUNNERS UP: navigating, puns, spooning, gym attendance, forgiving, opening up, eating entire pizzas in one sitting, arguing, creating the illusion of industry
LET DOWN: violin. really rusty.

CRÈME DE LA CRÈME

FIRST: falling in love with the most brilliant, witty and talented man I’ve ever met.
RUNNERS UP: moving to NYC to live with my best friends, IFC!, Film Forum!, reading on a more regular basis, strengthening my testimony, getting some good story ideas on paper
LET DOWNS: long distance, mice in the house, didn’t write enough, midtown



what i have learned:
new york is good. i'm good. it's getting better all the time (duh da da duh da)

experiment: sequins

“seriously, sequins? haha who wears sequins anymore?”
“maybe i’ll just try it on for fun. as a joke, yeah. . . no harm in that surely, heh heh”
“wait, that one is better, check out that black to silver gradient!”
“maybe I can wear sequins."
"now that i think of it, even jcrew has sequiny tops."
“okay maybe just for the holidays. you’re allowed to sparkle on new years, yeah?”
“i’ll just um, sneak it in between these two shirts and try it on.”
“hmmm. emmmm. hmm. hahahaha.”

what i have learned:
no.

experiment: hospitality

in the past, i've felt a disastrous hostess. i don't do well at planning things ahead of time and manage what time i do have poorly. usually i'm too busy dancing or walking in on people making out to make the rounds to make sure everyone is enjoying themselves. and i also don't know how good i am at anticipating needs. My old manager used to tell me, "it isn't enough to just bring what people ask you, you have to bring them what they don't even realize they need." so what- give people the "don't stop me now" before they realize they have a freddie mercury itch that needs to be scratched? well i didn't, lindsey did. ah me. but in spite of it all, including a slight baking gaffe, Burning Down the House(warming) Party was on most accounts a thunderous success! thank you all for being there, loving talking heads, and bringing us glasses with cartoon udders!

it would be nice if everyone could be in the same room at once.

spencer, probably pitching a noxema :30 to the writer/director of the Vietnomedy

holy halle berry, look at all this symmetry, will you! nick and rgs are starting to look like the same person to me in different color schemes. mirror images, who like to relate adventures to brunette couples at the SAME TIME.

preparing for his danceoff, dave tipples.

he can probably explain this better than i can.

danciest female: lindsey
danciest male: yancy/ manatee
most lyrically impressive: rachel. i don't know her last name but she knew evvery word to every jay z song ever invented.

what i have learned:
1) turns out i'm not much of a hostess because i don't really care about most things. as long as we've got good people, good snacks, and a little bit of alcohol in lindsey, everyone will have an entertaining time. [note: i am not posting the video of the futuresexx/lovesounds danceoff because i have been threatened.]

2) hickory pistachios will ruin pistachio apricot oatmeal cookies. screw you, fairway.

3) where are corinne and casey when you need them?

experiment: beating gondry to the punch

what i have learned:
today for halloween, spencer and i reenacted a few movies and transferred them to VHS and mos def showed up and we became rich and ferociously famous. ok OKAY, ok, i'm a bit of a hyperbolist. but doesn't spencer look just like danny lloyd? halloween is boss.

experiment: alternative recordkeeping

okay, amazon let’s talk. i really am impressed at how genuinely interested you are in “recommending” various media to me, really. and usually you’re pretty right on, i’ll give you that. and i guess i’m “appreciative” of your desire to keep me on top of my musical and literary games. but holy cow, i’m starting to feel like maybe i’ve let you in on too much.

i mean, you know things i’ve never told anyone. for instance, you’re one of the few who know about blue crush, and i think the only who knows about ladies in lavender (so good to have that monkey off my back). and your knowledge of me is starting to creep me out. you know more about me than i do.

take for instance, the buzzcloud feature i just discovered today while ordering for book club

it’s 60% creepy and 40% cool that this exists, documenting my purchases from amazon in the past, i don’t know, 5 years? "Creepy" because this non-person, gigantic fortune 500 company has (very valuable actually) personal information that rivals that of friends and family.“Cool” because i now have a sort of visual record of much of what i was interested in during college. it’s much easier than actually documenting all of my tastes by hand. instead i’ve just printed this out and will glue it in my journal. lazy. also, now when people ask me what i'm into musically (which by the way makes me really nervous for whatever reason), i can now just hand them this print out rather than rambling off album titles or mumbling, "i dont know , everything."

would you date someone based on their buzzcloud? i think, sadly, there would’ve been a point when i would have. and what do you think of me now that you know i enjoyed both a terribly penned surfing movie AND a movie for the bluehairs (what, the music was amazing). am i even more confusing to you? am i, jared cardon? am i? i live to bring complexity to your life. complexity and HOTNESS!!!!


what i’ve learned:
i think i need some better experiments. i know you’re all feeling anticipatory about that. i will probably not let you down.