Almost Paradise

(I think it's actually not a song about Footloose, but Disneyland...

Holiday Gift Guide: No 4 - Condescending Book Club Guy

1. James Joyce for Dummies He knows he hasn't really read Ulysses. You know he hasn't really read Ulysses. He knows you know he hasn't really read Ulysses. Nothing says "stop talking" like giving the failed novelist this handy reference book.  2. Nicholas Sparks Box Set Wrap this up with some sunscreen and a card that says "Beach reading!" 3. So Long, Insecurity Self-explanatory...

Holiday Gift Guide: No. 3 Sports Boss

1. BalletBoys Tickets - What a champ your boss is, huh? A guy who is always talking to you about "The Game" and who seems to really get a kick out of sweaty groups of men bumping up against each other in the name of sport. Well now you can give him the gift of his dreams - BalletBoy tickets! After all, who displays more outright athleticism than this all-male ballet troupe? 2. Ladies in Lavender Criterion Collection Fantasy Football is obviously just a front for your boss to spend so many work hours glued to his monitor watching his two favorite actors Dames Judi Dench and Maggie Smith in the lovely and moving tale...

Holiday Gift Guide: No. 2 Apple Obsessed Co-worker

1. Apple-Flavored Metamucil After all, your-coworker did say he loves Apple anything. 2. Zune HD Self-explanatory. 3. Nickelback's Here and Now (in .wma format only) Perhaps he can listen to this next time he's camped out an Apple Store in the wee small hours of the mornin...

Holiday Gift Guide: No. 1 Smug Designer Friend

It's that time of year. When you begrudgingly give gifts to people who you don't really like. Maybe it's a co-worker. Or maybe a boss. Or an in-law. Or maybe for Secret Santas you drew the one guy in your book club that never emotionally left his MFA program and turns the discussion toward literary theory when you just want to talk themes and eat snacks. In any event, now there's a lot of quarter-hearted gift-giving going to be happening, and you need to deliver something that will send the right passive-aggressive message. If you've found yourself in a similar pinch, please take solace that you're not alone in your miserliness....

Soft Rock the Vote

I've been a little underwhelmed by both candidates this election cycle. What happened to all the showmen? The rock and roll candidates? Rick Perry was a total nutter, but at least he kept it interesting. Herman Cain, you were marvelously entertaining. At best the entertainment factor of this election has been in line with the jobs report. Dismal. If you're looking to be entertained, the Parties are where the parties are at. They're keeping it nice and spicy on both sides. You know, like in terms of crazy talk. FOX NEWS. LOOKING AT YOU. But the candidates. Beh. Reasonable, viable options. Almost zero crazy-talk soundbites floating around there this time....

Coat Shopping

And here I thought autumn couldn't get any better. ...

Wildcat

Right now I have the same haircut as Eli Cash. Would an Eli Cash Halloween costume now be irrelevant...

Emmys 2012: Best Dressed?

STELLA!  Stella McCartney, Beatle-kund, can you be any cooler.  Patricia Wettig, I mean Edie Falco,  you look wundabar in this. Juliane Moore. You've sort of turned into a parody of yourself, but you do know how to clean up. Modesty suits you. Yellow for gingers! Hey brunette girl! I have no idea who you are because the only TV shows I watch are Breaking Bad and thirtysomething, but your dress is a perfect amount of couture and I like it mucho mucho. And let's not forget about the behind-the-scenes people here! The little people, who yes, are bigger than the big people, but you get the idea. And here we have the uber-talented...

Ramada Rebrand - Jingle Ideas

I. Since my baby left me I've found a new place to dwell It's down at the end of lonely street at Ramada Inn and Suites! II. Welcome to the Hotel Ramada Such a lovely place (such a lovely place) Such a lovely continental breakfast (such a lovely continental breakfast) Living it up at the Hotel Ramada! III. If you like Hotel Ramadas And gettin' in from the rain If you like little bars of handsoap And pastel landscapes of Spain If you like makin' love at midnight On 150-thread count sheets Than Hotel Ramada is the one for you Our senior discount can't be bea...

High School Revisited: THE REUNION

You know what, it's been fun recapping DUH, CLEARLY, THE BEST YEARS OF  MY LIFE. And I guess I have Dawson's Creek to thank for that in a roundabout sort of way. But it turns out, the show is just not very good in light of other teen dramas (My So-Called Life, for instance). In fact, Dawson's Creek is pretty bad. I made it into episode 3 of Season 5 and I decided I wasn't even interested in seeing it into its final two seasons. Mostly because Joey Potter became completely intolerable. I sort of saw that coming. Pacey gets more likeable. Dawson is redeemed from a pre-collegiate life of whininess. But that Joey. Still sullen and baby-voiced and just not so fun as a...

High School Revisited: A Letter From the Future

Dear 18-year old Adrienne, First of all, congratulations are in order. You are still alive.You didn't succumb to leprosy or horrid death. The apocalypse has not yet come, though technically 4 months of the year 2012 remain so now is not the time to count your eggs. Possible Mayan Doomsday approacheth. Additionally, you are not incarcerated. For these reasons and more I applaud your transition in becoming A Successful Adult. 18-year-old Adrienne, I know you're on the path towards becoming a journalist. Might want to steer clear of that one. It's a long and winding road. Turns out you still don't need to use math very much, so good job on taking the...

High School Revisited: The Ugly Club

Waaay before there were Pacey, Joey, Jack, Andy, Jen and Dawson, there were the Uglies. My friend Corinne and I invented The Ugly Club during some boring class in 7th grade. We made membership cards emblazoned with "UGLY." Members 000000000001 and 000000000002. For some reason, our young self-deprecation stuck. Though we weren't after exclusivity, we gradually added 3 more members, and that seemed to round things out. The Ugly Club was born. These girls made high school life not only tolerable, but remarkable. And now, even after high school has long ended, and we moved to NYC, Nashville, Chicago, Kansas City and Provo, I still need them. They were smart...

High School Revisited: In [My] Life, [I'll] Do Things Greater Than Dating The Boy on the Football Team

Back to Dawson's Creek for a moment now. Remember that tortured "will-they-or-won't-they?" relationship between Joey and Dawson? Ladies - didn't you want that kind of thing more than anything? I certainly did. (Mostly because instead of drinking and partying, they stayed in and ate pizza and watched campy movies and danced around their feelings with the grace of Elaine Benes. Dreamy, huh.) Spoiler Alert - I didn't find that kind of love. I doubt most high schoolers do. Instead I settled for relationships that at best just hinted at the kind of friendlove exhibited in the soapy teen series. Friendlove - n. The overwhelming desire to have a tension and...

High School Revisited: Your Hairbrush Is Mine

But first.  You know that 98 Degrees song - I Do (Cherish You)? In this song, Nick Lachey recounts a moment with his lady - "your hand brushes mine, and a thousand sensations seduce me." Well, I always heard "your hairbrush is mine." Common mistake.  Now that that's out of the way, enjoy these photos of friends and associates from the years of 1997-2002. Thanks for sharing your finest moments.  Hair from the turn of the millenium, (excuse me, Willenium)! and the winner is. . . . . ...

High School Revisited: Wash Your Hair Once, Every Two Weeks

I am so excited to share the abundance of high-school hair photos I have received from you all in the last few weeks! There are so many embarrassing/good ones, it will be hard to narrow them down. I am now just waiting on a few gems before I post. In the meantime, I have a word or two to say about Dawson's Creek hair. 1. Mini butterfly clips 2. Mini ponies 3. Mini bangs 4. Straight cut hair 5. Bowl Cut v. 2 6. "Frosted tips" 7. Gail's fried-out coif 8. Large barrel curling-iron-bangs 9. Dawson's haircut, Season 1 10. Dawson's haircut, Season 2 11. Dawson's haircut, Season 3 12. Dawson's haircut, Season 4 Man, there was some BAD hair in the early 2000s,...

High School Revisited: Musica, pt. V

MEMORY: I am the only person I know who likes Kate Bush. I got really into her about junior year. Yes, she writes songs about classic literature and is complete dork, but what can I say, I found her dorkiness inspiring at that age. And nowadays it's fabulous for karaoke. MUSIC: (I have dreams of dancing to a shot by shot remake of this video. . . so fun) ...

High School Revisited: Musica, pt. IV

MEMORY: I owe a lot to my dad's record collection. In addition to The Who and The Beatles, he loved Elton John. He'd often sing along to songs from Madman Across the Water and Goodbye Yellow Brick Road  and I sat there watching him in awe, seeing this part of him come unlocked. It was a rare and wonderful sight to see a play-by-the-rules attorney dance around to this flamboyant singer-songwriter. Before long, I fell in love with Elton too. Only later, as an adult, did I realize how prolific and influential he really was as I rarely found a song of his I didn't find totally original and memorable. Honky Cat is the one I loved to dance around to in my room the most....

High School Revisited: Musica, pt. III

MEMORY:  I remember being 12 and on a schoolbus headed to the Dallas Temple for my first temple trip and having this CD in my Discman and playing it over and over and over again rather than socializing. This was around the age I started to actually get lost in music. I know that's a figure of speech, but I don't mean it figuratively. I think I listened to August and Everything after more than any other album in middle school probably, except for all The Beatles stuff. Man I loved that record. But every man I have ever dated has HATED Counting Crows. Guys seem to dislike them as much as they hate the movie Shopgirl. Sometimes when I'm driving alone,...

High School Revisited: Musica, pt. II

MEMORY: Pretty much every weekend in 7th grade was spent watching one of the three following movies - Empire Records, Welcome to the Dollhouse, or Baz's Romeo & Juliet. I immediately fell in love with R&J, and also the music that accompanied it. (Including the Radiohead b-side Talk Show Host.) I remember watching this movie over and over again and crying my eyes out. And really, really digging the soundtrack, especially this pop-treat from The Cardigans. MUSIC:   ...

High School Revisited: Musica

let's talk about [music] baybee let's talk about you and me let's talk about all the good [songs] and the bad [songs] [in Dawson's Creek] let's talk abboouut [music] let's talk about [music] So, there's actually no Salt N Pepa anywhere in Capeside, at least that I remember. But there are a lot of other goodies. Or there were at one point. I think? Quick note to producers of all future television series - buy DIGITAL AND STREAMING music rights! As if it's not offensive enough that they changed the iconic Dawson's Creek theme song from Paula Cole to some forgettable Jann Arden ditty, they failed to secure 90% percent of the music rights for Netflix streaming. This is nearly...

High School Revisited: I'm Never Last Picked, I'm Popular

In high school, popularity is often defined by where you sit during lunch. I sat at what was perhaps the third tier table in our cafeteria, but I wasn't anything remarkable in terms of notoriety. No one really spread rumors about me. Boys didn't really have crushes on me. I wasn't part of the Friday-night elite. I never worked at Sonic (which was cool again, why?). I followed rules and went to church and stayed away from the cheap beer the cool girls guzzled by the gallon. However, in the microcosm of lunch-table land, sure, I was in the right zip code. As social currency is concerned, I was fairly upper-middle class: 4-years...

High School Revisited: I Was a Graphic Tee(totaler)

Have you looked through your high school yearbook lately? If you haven't, don't. Trust me, it's not pretty. I recently made this mistake when we moved into a new home and I decided that packing really meant stopping to try on every outfit, read every note, and look through every photo album. This also meant revisiting my high school yearbooks. GOLDMINE. After wasting spending a few choice hours with my nose in a Jostens, all I can say about the fashion is this - Abercrombarf. The late nineties introduced us to such wearable oddities as the overall dress, visors, platform sandals, spaghetti-strap tank tops, cargo shorts, cargo pants, cargo everything, the...

High School Revisited: The Sacred & Profane Memories of Adrienne Aggen Cardon

They say you can't really ever go home again. But can you ever go back to high school? Or I guess the question now reads, would anyone in their right mind ever want to go back to high school? My 10-year high school reunion is later this summer, and I'm sitting squarely on the fence. I'd like to really want to give it it's due diligence before I decide. In my next few installments, I'll reexamine some of the finer moments and minicultures of high school.  At the conclusion of all this, I'll make the decision whether or not to attend my reunion. Seems logical, no? I blame Dawson's Creek entirely for this experiment. (Plus, guys, I've been so patient in waiting...

A Father

...

I quit my job this week

I'm back to freelance work. But not after I have my first summer vacation in 6 years! Booyah, 9-5 jobs! We had some good times, Creative Services, didn't we? Map-making! See you at dinner! Kranky-Franks! KMC! Creamery Outlet! Formal Fridays! CS Video! Appleshop! May 2011 Class Photo: Tyler (honorary CS member), Dallas, Danielle, Ayumi, Amanda, Julie, Natalie, yours truly, Austin, Sam. Not pictured: Alison, Amber, Patty, Christian, James, John, Salvael. Now, about that summer vacation. ....

Utah

putting down dem root...

Mother's Day No. 2: Janeen

My mom just might be the most fun person I know. Thanks for teaching me to love: reading writing dark chocolate harmonizing making up my own lyrics to popular songs karaoke lawyers partying April Fool's pranks Utah short hair the gospel and for being just all around awesom...

Mother's Day No.1: Dreams

The things they don't tell you about are the dreams.  #1. Milo is accidentally dropped at the top of an escalator. In horror, I watch him tumble down the sharp metal stair structure. Wake up in a panic and go check on him. #2. Milo falls into a bucket of lead-based paint. (How did I know it was lead-based, which has not even been manufactured since 1978? I just did.) Wake up in a panic and go check on him. #3. Milo is flying a tiny, Milo-sized biplane. He is wearing old-timely flight-gear. He crashes into a sand dune a la The English Patient. I run to the crash site. His tiny plane is in flames and he is covered in grease and smoke and debris. He tries to crawl...

Sleep Studies

There's always the same tired joke. During downtime with co-workers, and at dinner parties with would-be friends it's always the same old song - couple sleep habits. She takes all the covers. He snores. She kicks in her sleep. He thrashes about violently. She wants her space. He always wants to cuddle. And so on. Who knows why we end up revealing such intimacies around practical strangers, but for some reason it's just barely within the limits of appropriate table-talk and people feel compelled to tell it how it is. I'm well aware of this trope, but time and time again I've found myself confessing that I totally do weird things in my sleep, like manage to consistently turn...

Experiment: The Nightgown

Perhaps no article of clothing is more matronly than the nightgown.* A trip to any catalog-era department store will confirm this. Row after row of high-collared, flannel or felt frocks evocative of curlers and rose-scented bath salts. The wearers comprising a strange dual-demographic of grandmothers and 7-year old girls - females nightgowned in the stages of femininity more concerned with softness and chocolate chip cookies than out-and-out hotness. The little-girl/old-lady set. Characterized best perhaps by the Olsen twins. And yet. . . . Something classically appealing about them, these gowns of the night. Perhaps the name. Nightgown. Gown. It actually...